Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
