i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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