Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
