I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
