That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
