I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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