It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
