i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
