You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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