She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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