we have officially lost it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
