The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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