Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
