where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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