I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
