He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
