After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
