I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
