i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
