i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
