You smell like stripper and shame
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
