I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
