id be glad to
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
