Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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