is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize