He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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