I only kidnapped one of them. chill
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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