sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
