I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
