Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
