3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
