The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
