And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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