After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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