She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
