I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
