No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
