I wish my penis had an off switch
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
