We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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