i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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