At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
