im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
