My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
