I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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