I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
