my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
