So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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