He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
