I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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