In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
