Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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