Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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